I'm gonna have a badass scar
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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