And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
