It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
