Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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