you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
