Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
