Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
