help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The struggles of a small town man whore
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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