Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
