At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
