I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
