A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
