Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
