Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
