I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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