i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
