I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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