Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
