She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
