next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
