I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
