Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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