I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
