she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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