The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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