woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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