I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
