she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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