sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
