So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i wish my penis had a tongue
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
