just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
