he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
