Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
