3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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