Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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