She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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