How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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