I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
