Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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