Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
