so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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