ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
