Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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