Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
