I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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