Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
