Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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