Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
