i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
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I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
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Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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