my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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