Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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