nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
