Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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