I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
