my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
PANTIES FOUND
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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