You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
