How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Houston, we have a blender
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Randomize
