he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
