The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
