I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
